I’ve been journaling on pages from a pad and keeping them in a folder. I’ve been journaling what I have been eating and what I have eaten over the last week has not been good in terms of losing weight. I kind of know what to expect tomorrow because I have been eating mostly health foods but I’ve also had cake and today I pigged out.

After congratulating myself on not eating to deal with my feeling about Doug, I go and have an anxiety attack today and stuff myself.

I woke up this morning almost hyperventilating, because I knew the doctor was coming today to see my Mom and she would not let me bath her last night to get ready. I knew I’d better get up and get to work getting her ready this morning. My chest was tight but I took a couple of puffs on my inhaler rested a few minutes and got started. I was in tears I don’t know why it bothers me sometime so much more that others. But this morning it just felt like getting Mom bathed was an over-whelming, insurmountable feet.

Don’t get me wrong my Mom is the sweetest little old lady; she just gives me the blues. I guess just because she can. She rarely gives my Brother a hard time.

I was so upset when I woke up that I had decided to stay home from work. I got Mom ready, she would only let me wash her up though, no bath for her. Changed her bed then gave her breakfast. The anxiety subsided for the most part so, I got myself ready and I was able to go to work.

The only thing is though that when I got home tonight, I wanted to eat everything that was not tied down. Up comes the feelings again, I had buried my anxiety long enough to work and get back home. I thought I had dealt with it but obviously not.  I gave in I had White Castle and if that was not enough I decide that I need some healing Carmel Cake. Not a wise choice but I have to admit that I feel much better now.